With Mother's Day coming up, the store has a table set up with "Mom Shirts" and the upper halves of 3 womannequins. I said we should stuff the shirts to make the womannequins look pregnant. Jessica said there's some rule about enhancing mannequins.
Technically, I can't consider a baby belly any kind of enhancement, I think that rule was made solely for boobs & balls. Also, on a less interested level, I wonder that there was so much enhancing going on that a rule had to be made against it.
I wasn't allowed to "enhance" the womannequins, and Jessica pointed out to me that not all mom's are pregnant. This is true, although most mom's were pregnant for a period of time. So, the obvious solution of how to designate motherhood without making anything larger?
I'm trying to track down a dry erase marker to draw stretch marks on the bellies - this will be fun because the shirts are tied up to show off just a bit of the waistline. Any guesses on how long it will take someone to notice?
Also on the topic of mannequins, it has come to my attention that male mannequins have some funked up equipment. Technically, they don't have any equipment, just a bulge to serve as the stick & sack. However, they do have a slight Vee of the abdomen for a 6-pack. What stymies me are two extensions on either side slightly below the Vee, coming up from the stick & sack. They seem to be either very small representations of a double equipped male, or two very large veins leading into the gentiles.
Jessica admitted that although she's slept with a lot of men, she's not expert enough to know what the hell the protrusions are. I said we should ask a guy, and since there was only one working that night, Logan fell prey. Jessica & Ginny asked him what the bumps were, Logan, in a movement forever burned into my brain, reached down to feel his crotch, then replied, "I don't know...I sure as hell don't have them."
Fun link for the night: My Theme Songs!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Supa-Short Story #3
Spring announced it's arrival to her at dawn with rumbling persistence punctuated by sharp flashes. The sidewalk was undoubtedly still rain-slick from the day before, but nothing has time to dry off between rounds when Mother Nature gets horny.
She supposed if her cycle was a year long, she'd be eager to make things grow as well. Mother Nature wasn't the only one with her hands on twigs and berries.
A contented smile spread across her face and would've lit her sluggish eyes if she'd managed to pry them open. For now darkness was cozy. The blanket had slid down to her hips, but the male body she was snuggled up against kept her plenty warm. His warmth surrounded her, and as she inhaled his clean, earthy scent, the heat spread elsewhere.
His breaths were deep and steady with sleep, and she pulled her eyelids open just enough to watch the rise and fall of his chest beneath her arm. His nipples were perked just slightly on his flat torso, and she circled one lazily with a finger before twirling gently through his sparse chest hair.
His chest rose on a slight groan, and he shifted, but didn't open his eyes. He turned his head to her, but she was already sliding the covers off fully to straddle him.
He opened his eyes a crack to smile sleepily at her and rub one of his big hands on the top of her head, tousling the hair even more as she bent over him to lay a soft kiss over his heart.
She slid lower, her nipples rubbing his belly, and his rumble of pleasure vibrated through her.
Nature wasn't the only one skilled at waking people up.
She supposed if her cycle was a year long, she'd be eager to make things grow as well. Mother Nature wasn't the only one with her hands on twigs and berries.
A contented smile spread across her face and would've lit her sluggish eyes if she'd managed to pry them open. For now darkness was cozy. The blanket had slid down to her hips, but the male body she was snuggled up against kept her plenty warm. His warmth surrounded her, and as she inhaled his clean, earthy scent, the heat spread elsewhere.
His breaths were deep and steady with sleep, and she pulled her eyelids open just enough to watch the rise and fall of his chest beneath her arm. His nipples were perked just slightly on his flat torso, and she circled one lazily with a finger before twirling gently through his sparse chest hair.
His chest rose on a slight groan, and he shifted, but didn't open his eyes. He turned his head to her, but she was already sliding the covers off fully to straddle him.
He opened his eyes a crack to smile sleepily at her and rub one of his big hands on the top of her head, tousling the hair even more as she bent over him to lay a soft kiss over his heart.
She slid lower, her nipples rubbing his belly, and his rumble of pleasure vibrated through her.
Nature wasn't the only one skilled at waking people up.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Supa-Short Story #2
"Hey, do you have a dollar?"
"No." It's funny how quickly a lie can roll off your tongue when you know where a conversation is headed.
"Not even, like, four quarters?"
"No." Technically, she didn't have a dollar on her. She had three quarters (and she later found out a nickel) in her back pocket that started to burn in that "I want recognition", Tell Tale Heart kind of way.
"But I'm so thirsty!"
She had money in her purse. She wasn't sure how much, only that it was enough to get some fast food on the way home. She was sure she had a dollar. "Water Fountain."
"I can't drink from the water fountain on the way home."
She didn't know where he lived. Not likely far enough that a drink from the fountain wouldn't hold him over. This is why she wouldn't lend him a dollar.
"You don't have any money on you?"
"I don't usually carry cash on me. Don't you have a card?"
"Yeah."
"Then go to McDonald's."
"I just want a pop out of the machine."
Ironic how he had the work ethic of a mule, but was so relentless trying to borrow a dollar. She didn't trust him to pay her back, and didn't like him enough to just give him a dollar. He must've thought his good looks deserved a dollar, because he sure hadn't done anything else to earn it. Couldn't even muster the energy to ask politely for it.
No, I'm not giving you a damn dollar, leave me the fuck alone!
"I'll go ask Margaret if she has a dollar I can borrow."
He walked away, leaving her to finish the work alone while I lazed against a table at the other end of the floor, regaling Margaret with the travesty of his thirst.
That's why I didn't give you the damn dollar you wanted.
"No." It's funny how quickly a lie can roll off your tongue when you know where a conversation is headed.
"Not even, like, four quarters?"
"No." Technically, she didn't have a dollar on her. She had three quarters (and she later found out a nickel) in her back pocket that started to burn in that "I want recognition", Tell Tale Heart kind of way.
"But I'm so thirsty!"
She had money in her purse. She wasn't sure how much, only that it was enough to get some fast food on the way home. She was sure she had a dollar. "Water Fountain."
"I can't drink from the water fountain on the way home."
She didn't know where he lived. Not likely far enough that a drink from the fountain wouldn't hold him over. This is why she wouldn't lend him a dollar.
"You don't have any money on you?"
"I don't usually carry cash on me. Don't you have a card?"
"Yeah."
"Then go to McDonald's."
"I just want a pop out of the machine."
Ironic how he had the work ethic of a mule, but was so relentless trying to borrow a dollar. She didn't trust him to pay her back, and didn't like him enough to just give him a dollar. He must've thought his good looks deserved a dollar, because he sure hadn't done anything else to earn it. Couldn't even muster the energy to ask politely for it.
No, I'm not giving you a damn dollar, leave me the fuck alone!
"I'll go ask Margaret if she has a dollar I can borrow."
He walked away, leaving her to finish the work alone while I lazed against a table at the other end of the floor, regaling Margaret with the travesty of his thirst.
That's why I didn't give you the damn dollar you wanted.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Perverted Funness
Fun things for the day, brought on by Jaye's last post.
Margaret Cho - click on G Spot...Men's Periods is also hilarious!
Rodney Carrington - As much as I enjoy this animation, I'm disappointed there isn't one with the full length version of the song. I got to see a show of his a few years back during my "Redneck Days." Funny guy.
Do you think patients who get this implant are given a can of Fix a Flat to take home in case of an emergency?
All of the above reminded me of neuticles, remember hearing about them a few years back?
Neuticles reminded me of Bumper Nuts. Why would any guy want to so obviously advertise that his truck is indeed compensation?
That's all for now, though everyone can feel free to leave their own sordid comments. I'll leave you with a haiku, for everyone who had to squeeze their balls to get their dick hard:
As great as it sounds,
There's no glory in the fact,
I blew my penis.
Margaret Cho - click on G Spot...Men's Periods is also hilarious!
Rodney Carrington - As much as I enjoy this animation, I'm disappointed there isn't one with the full length version of the song. I got to see a show of his a few years back during my "Redneck Days." Funny guy.
Do you think patients who get this implant are given a can of Fix a Flat to take home in case of an emergency?
All of the above reminded me of neuticles, remember hearing about them a few years back?
Neuticles reminded me of Bumper Nuts. Why would any guy want to so obviously advertise that his truck is indeed compensation?
That's all for now, though everyone can feel free to leave their own sordid comments. I'll leave you with a haiku, for everyone who had to squeeze their balls to get their dick hard:
As great as it sounds,
There's no glory in the fact,
I blew my penis.
Supa-Short Story
This popped into my head out of nearly nowhere last night. I'm considering fiddling with it. Any comments will be appreciated.
She hadn't shaved in a while. It was still a little chilly for shorts, and she wasn't planning on getting laid. Maybe she'd shave more often during the winter if she had a steady relationship.
Too bad the idea of "steady" implied commitment. All that was involved with her current string of infrequent and varied lovers - if she could call them that - was sex. Occasionally regret, but everything had its side effects. Life was a dangerous drug if not used properly. Even the impassive big-wigs of the FDA would take a shot at pulling it from the shelves if possible.
At the very least a Surgeon Gerneral's warning should be tattooed on every man's penis. "Warning, the act you are about to engage in may create life, which will certainly cause death."
The water sloshed over the rim of the tub as she shifted positions to go for her other leg. For a few moments, life in the bathroom was a tsunami of uncertainty. Then back to the irritatingly calm silence with nothing but the rhythmic certainty of the razor whispering up her calf.
Her last fuck had been good in practice, but shameful in the name of morals. It took a moment to recall his first name, she'd never known his last.
Outside a low hum echoed, a close bumblebee, or distant lawn mower if it had been noontime. At two-in-the-morning it was more likely a semi on the highway a mile or two away. Funny how so many things sounded alike if there was no context. Life without context is a blank page free to be consumed by any poem imaginable.
The truck passed and the static-roar of silence filled her ears a moment before she rinsed her leg.
The bathtub drain gurgled like a drowning lion as her winter insulation was sucked down the drain, leaving her silky and exposed for the job interview she had that afternoon.
She hadn't shaved in a while. It was still a little chilly for shorts, and she wasn't planning on getting laid. Maybe she'd shave more often during the winter if she had a steady relationship.
Too bad the idea of "steady" implied commitment. All that was involved with her current string of infrequent and varied lovers - if she could call them that - was sex. Occasionally regret, but everything had its side effects. Life was a dangerous drug if not used properly. Even the impassive big-wigs of the FDA would take a shot at pulling it from the shelves if possible.
At the very least a Surgeon Gerneral's warning should be tattooed on every man's penis. "Warning, the act you are about to engage in may create life, which will certainly cause death."
The water sloshed over the rim of the tub as she shifted positions to go for her other leg. For a few moments, life in the bathroom was a tsunami of uncertainty. Then back to the irritatingly calm silence with nothing but the rhythmic certainty of the razor whispering up her calf.
Her last fuck had been good in practice, but shameful in the name of morals. It took a moment to recall his first name, she'd never known his last.
Outside a low hum echoed, a close bumblebee, or distant lawn mower if it had been noontime. At two-in-the-morning it was more likely a semi on the highway a mile or two away. Funny how so many things sounded alike if there was no context. Life without context is a blank page free to be consumed by any poem imaginable.
The truck passed and the static-roar of silence filled her ears a moment before she rinsed her leg.
The bathtub drain gurgled like a drowning lion as her winter insulation was sucked down the drain, leaving her silky and exposed for the job interview she had that afternoon.
Karma-Induced Electrocution
My. Name. Is. Earl.
I forgot to mention that I electrocuted myself yesterday. I've been told it was Karma-induced because of my heightened evilness. It's a possibility. Mostly I think it was because I thought I could fix the vanity light without turning off the fuse for it.
Needless to say, I was mistaken.
I actually didn't feel the electrocution the way you feel a static shock. I probably wouldn't have even noticed if it hadn't been for the sudden impression of being able to feel the insides of all of my teeth at once, accompanied by the sudden coppery penny-like taste on my tongue. Oh, that and the mini-bolt of lightning I saw shoot from the wall into my hand.
It was the first time in just short of a year that I've seriously electrocuted myself, not just the little shocks you get from accidentally touching a prong as you plug in a clock.
I think I'm okay, though. I just stood there waiting for my brain to re-boot and my eyes to refocus while a distant part of me thought my eyes just *might* already be focused. That, and it took a while for the copper penny taste to wear off.
Good times.
I forgot to mention that I electrocuted myself yesterday. I've been told it was Karma-induced because of my heightened evilness. It's a possibility. Mostly I think it was because I thought I could fix the vanity light without turning off the fuse for it.
Needless to say, I was mistaken.
I actually didn't feel the electrocution the way you feel a static shock. I probably wouldn't have even noticed if it hadn't been for the sudden impression of being able to feel the insides of all of my teeth at once, accompanied by the sudden coppery penny-like taste on my tongue. Oh, that and the mini-bolt of lightning I saw shoot from the wall into my hand.
It was the first time in just short of a year that I've seriously electrocuted myself, not just the little shocks you get from accidentally touching a prong as you plug in a clock.
I think I'm okay, though. I just stood there waiting for my brain to re-boot and my eyes to refocus while a distant part of me thought my eyes just *might* already be focused. That, and it took a while for the copper penny taste to wear off.
Good times.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Smart Bitches!
One short of Grease Monkey
Today was busy! Had an appointment to witness on a will signing at 11, but the people didn't show. I was gonna head back to bed, but was asked by Gram to look into plants for the pond at Lowe's. I'd mentioned Lowe's earlier because I was thinking of getting a shower head attachment for the upstairs bathtub.
At Lowe's, the pond plants hadn't arrived yet, and "Dan the Man" -head of the plumbing department - had no idea what I was talking about with my bath faucet, so I told him I'd be back in 2 hours with the faucet.
This was the fun part. Back at home I changed into grease monkey clothes & tied a bandana around my hair. I spent about half an hour following pipes until I found the valves for the upstairs bathroom. I turned them off, ran back upstairs, hot was still dripping. Ran back downstairs, tightened spigot. Ran back upstairs, hot still dripping. Back to basement. Tighten knob. Upstairs. Leaking. About the 4th time up & down 2 flights of stairs, I decided I'd leave the hot on so I'd be able to hear in the basement when the water stopped flowing. That was when I realized the red knob was on the cold line, & blue was hot. I'd been tightening the wrong one. Back upstairs, water was finally off in the bathroom, but I came to realize the wrench I had was a millamicrohair too small. I made it work, but wrench was added to my list.
Four faucet adaptors and one shiny new blue pipe wrench later, I have a new showerhead and a fell about one evolutionary step below a Grease Monkey. I also picked up 7 screens & got to fight with the storm windows that had been painted shut by the previous occupant. As hot as it was, and as tempting as bed sounded, it felt good to put in a hard day's work. Now I can take a nice shower upstairs before bed. There's a shower in the first floor, but it's adjacent to the master bedroom & I'm usually headed to bed about 5 hours later than Gram.
Last month I fixed the front storm door because the pressure thingy that keeps it open - well, the screws keeping it in place pulled out of the doorframe & the threads were stripped, so I had to plaster & put in new screws. Next month, who knows.
Best part of today, other than a job well done - the guy in Lowe's said I should (some word I don't remember) the pipes. I gave him a confused stare & he said, "Do you have a (derivative of word I don't remember)?" I told him I didn't even know what one was. He said, "Did you say you're doing this yourself?" "Yeah." "It's a pair of pliers." "I know what pliers are! Why didn't you say pliers in the first place?" "No one's helping you with this?" "Hey, getting the faucet off was the hard part, I'm sure I can get it back on...then I just have to remember which pipes in the basement turn the water back on." Okay, so the last part was an exaggeration, I knew which pipes, but the look on his face was priceless!
At Lowe's, the pond plants hadn't arrived yet, and "Dan the Man" -head of the plumbing department - had no idea what I was talking about with my bath faucet, so I told him I'd be back in 2 hours with the faucet.
This was the fun part. Back at home I changed into grease monkey clothes & tied a bandana around my hair. I spent about half an hour following pipes until I found the valves for the upstairs bathroom. I turned them off, ran back upstairs, hot was still dripping. Ran back downstairs, tightened spigot. Ran back upstairs, hot still dripping. Back to basement. Tighten knob. Upstairs. Leaking. About the 4th time up & down 2 flights of stairs, I decided I'd leave the hot on so I'd be able to hear in the basement when the water stopped flowing. That was when I realized the red knob was on the cold line, & blue was hot. I'd been tightening the wrong one. Back upstairs, water was finally off in the bathroom, but I came to realize the wrench I had was a millamicrohair too small. I made it work, but wrench was added to my list.
Four faucet adaptors and one shiny new blue pipe wrench later, I have a new showerhead and a fell about one evolutionary step below a Grease Monkey. I also picked up 7 screens & got to fight with the storm windows that had been painted shut by the previous occupant. As hot as it was, and as tempting as bed sounded, it felt good to put in a hard day's work. Now I can take a nice shower upstairs before bed. There's a shower in the first floor, but it's adjacent to the master bedroom & I'm usually headed to bed about 5 hours later than Gram.
Last month I fixed the front storm door because the pressure thingy that keeps it open - well, the screws keeping it in place pulled out of the doorframe & the threads were stripped, so I had to plaster & put in new screws. Next month, who knows.
Best part of today, other than a job well done - the guy in Lowe's said I should (some word I don't remember) the pipes. I gave him a confused stare & he said, "Do you have a (derivative of word I don't remember)?" I told him I didn't even know what one was. He said, "Did you say you're doing this yourself?" "Yeah." "It's a pair of pliers." "I know what pliers are! Why didn't you say pliers in the first place?" "No one's helping you with this?" "Hey, getting the faucet off was the hard part, I'm sure I can get it back on...then I just have to remember which pipes in the basement turn the water back on." Okay, so the last part was an exaggeration, I knew which pipes, but the look on his face was priceless!
Wolf at the Door
Last night's final page before bed was the end of Christine Warren's Wolf at the Door. This was my first read by Christing Warren and it definitely won't be my last.
independent Foxwoman Cassidy Poe is an anthropologist studiously avoiding her Nana's attempts to drag her into the family tradition of politics on the Council of Others. When Cassidy is summoned by the council for her "expertise" on cultures and small cults, she not only has to try to slip out of her Nana's plans for her, but also away from the hot gaze of Sullivan Quinn.
Quinn is visiting America on business as the guth of his Ireland clan, but he can't focus on the work at hand with the sweet scent of Cassidy Poe calling to all of his instincts.
Together, Quinn and Cassidy must find and stop the dangerous cult threatening the safety of the Others. The kidnapping of several prominent members of the Other society only adds to the urgency, but there is much more going on than anyone has expected or knows how to handle.
Christine Warren has a wonderful new voice. Her offbeat humor is something that will be well appreciated by everyone who's just a little twisted - or a lot. Her romance is hot - sex scenes are several pages long and describe everything from foreplay to cuddling with careful detail.
This book revolves around a Lupine and a Foxwoman, but the Other community has a very wide range of preternatural beings. Every type of shapeshifter, including Silkies, witches, Fae, demons, vampires, Brownie...and a few things I'll admit I had to look up. It reminds me of the worlds Angela Knight creates where you'll be reading about a werewolf, but get a glimpse through a window at the rest of their environment.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this series progresses. The book has a wonderful ending, but there is definitely more to come. Hopefully the next book will have another Irish hero, loved the accent!
independent Foxwoman Cassidy Poe is an anthropologist studiously avoiding her Nana's attempts to drag her into the family tradition of politics on the Council of Others. When Cassidy is summoned by the council for her "expertise" on cultures and small cults, she not only has to try to slip out of her Nana's plans for her, but also away from the hot gaze of Sullivan Quinn.
Quinn is visiting America on business as the guth of his Ireland clan, but he can't focus on the work at hand with the sweet scent of Cassidy Poe calling to all of his instincts.
Together, Quinn and Cassidy must find and stop the dangerous cult threatening the safety of the Others. The kidnapping of several prominent members of the Other society only adds to the urgency, but there is much more going on than anyone has expected or knows how to handle.
Christine Warren has a wonderful new voice. Her offbeat humor is something that will be well appreciated by everyone who's just a little twisted - or a lot. Her romance is hot - sex scenes are several pages long and describe everything from foreplay to cuddling with careful detail.
This book revolves around a Lupine and a Foxwoman, but the Other community has a very wide range of preternatural beings. Every type of shapeshifter, including Silkies, witches, Fae, demons, vampires, Brownie...and a few things I'll admit I had to look up. It reminds me of the worlds Angela Knight creates where you'll be reading about a werewolf, but get a glimpse through a window at the rest of their environment.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this series progresses. The book has a wonderful ending, but there is definitely more to come. Hopefully the next book will have another Irish hero, loved the accent!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Value of a Paperclip
Has everyone seen this? It's my little bit of bloggity goodness for the day. I read about this guy in the newspaper, told my Gram who'd heard about it on her the morning talk radio, and decided I had to check the blog.
Makes me wonder...I have some origional Cocacola, Sprite, and Pepsi bottles in the basement that are worth a hell of a lot more than one red paperclip! (Which he probably found on the street anyway!)
Anyone willing to trade? I'll give ya 2 dozen origional glass bottles for a brand new Mustang - red.
Makes me wonder...I have some origional Cocacola, Sprite, and Pepsi bottles in the basement that are worth a hell of a lot more than one red paperclip! (Which he probably found on the street anyway!)
Anyone willing to trade? I'll give ya 2 dozen origional glass bottles for a brand new Mustang - red.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)