Someone STOLE my SPERM!!!!!!
At first, I was deeply upset, so sad I didn't even feel like eating the cereal I'd just covered in milk, and I always feel like eating cereal. Now I'm pissed. Still sad, but pissed is taking over, since sad accomplishes nothing, but pissed goes a long way towards vengeance.
Yesterday afternoon, I spent some time chillin by the spermbox after I cleaned out the pool. I was still kinda down over losing two spermzillas earlier this week, but I was glad to have my 5 sperm & 3 Spermzillas left and doing well.
This morning, I looked out onto the deck to find the spermbox missing. At first I panicked, then saw it had just been down two steps. I figured Gram had moved it & was stepping out to check on my sperm when I saw the spermbox was empty!
No Sperm, no water, not even any algae residue. This wasn't the work of some starving raccoon, someone took the lid off my spermbox, dumped it, and put the lid back on. That's the only way I can figure there's not any algae left. If a raccoon had tipped the spermbox over, there would be green goo left in the box, and on the steps.
The steps were dry, the box was empty, and most upsetting of all, one of my poor Spermzillas was laying on the step, shriveled dry under the sun.
I MISS MY SPERM!
and I WANT VENGEANCE!!!!!
I have no idea who the Sperm haters are, but it's become entirely too obvious there is a local faction of the TTT, Tadpole Terminating Troupe. I haven't seen them show themselves yet, but I'll know them when they're standing on my lawn in wetsuits throwing buckets of water at idolic symbols.
I really miss my sperm. All the sperm that were left in the pool have died from the chemicals that were dumped in it last weekend. I considered going down to the creek and fishing out some tadpoles, but I probably shouldn't since I don't know who's killing them.
I'm so upset over this. As much as I joke about the Spermzillas, I was really looking forward to watching them grow legs. My neighbor had a tadpole in his fish tank one year when I was little, but it disappeared before it reached amphibianhood, we think his cat ate it.
Next week, I'm putting the sperm box out without anything in it and seeing who comes around to cause trouble. Bastard sperm killers! Not that killing sperm is a crime, but I'll nail em for trespassing at least!
2 comments:
It was funny, the way you said all that stuff. I laughed a little, but really I'm sad. I mean, I teared up thinking about that baby dying slowly and sadly on your steps without his/her brothers/sisters. I'm sorry. Fuckers! Bastards! Cocksuckers! (can you please yell these words for me, my children are sleeping...)
Yeah, I teared up too - I couldn't even take him off the step, I had to run back inside before I started bawling. Yesterday, I had to fish a dead frog out of the pool. I'm not having good Karma with amphibians this week.
*still sniffling over little sperm babies*
I will stand on my back deck facing the neighbors and shout for you - they're the only people I can suapect of being TTT members who may have known my spermzillas were there, becasue they're dirty snoops!
*GROWLS*
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