After work today, I stopped at the Dollar Tree to buy something to keep the sperm in. I decided on this plastic shoe box, because I could cut the lid & make sort of a ramp for the sperm to get out once they get legs - that way I don't have to guess when they're ready to leave, they can decide for themselves.
I get home to transfer the black sperm & the Spermzillas into the shoe box thingy, and my tartar sauce glass is tipped over! It's empty, save for some lingering algae. There are no spermzillas, I looked around on the deck, even under the deck. Gram said she doesn't know what happened to them, but the men were here working on the pool today.
I've reached the conclusion that
THOSE BASTARDS STOLE MY SPERM!!!!!
Being men, they must've been jealous of my superior sperm. My Spermzillas obviously made them feel inferior. Spermzilla Kong is probably bigger than their dick, let alone their swimmers, so they apparently sought vengeance.
I have no idea where my poor Spermzillas are. I hope the guys threw them back into the pool so they didn't get eaten by a bird or something. I miss them. I still have 3 left, but one of them already has front and hind legs and will be leaving soon.
Poor Spermzillas. Maybe I could put out flyers;
LOST:
SPERMZILLAS
Answer to Contraceptive, and The Pill (or just Pill)
Yellowish-amber with brown freckles.
Small hind legs.
Dearly Missed!
5 comments:
I wish to extend my sincere condelences during this difficult time. We can only hope they've moved on to a better place.
This reminds me of that song Detachable Penis.
Maybe the care you provided was so superior to your run-of-mill primordial goo that they evolved into men with tails and went out to have some beers with the pool guys.
What is this "Detachable Penis" song? Ode to a Strap On?
Go figure - men would leave to drink beer and play pool, not even stop to thank their kidnap-I mean, mother! Does this mean the three remaining Spermzillas are Spermzillettes?
No, if they weren't able to evolve they're probably Republicans. (just kidding, jaye!)
Oh, and here's the song. I'm not sure why I thought of it, except that it's a cool song and there was some mention of sperm...
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